It always started the same way.

Great connection.
Deep conversations.
Real chemistry.

And then—suddenly—he’d pull away.

“I don’t know,” he’d say. “Something’s just... missing.”

Until one day, after ending yet another relationship that looked perfect on paper, he finally admitted it:

“I’ve been with amazing people. But I always end up feeling like they’re not enough.”

This wasn’t arrogance.
It wasn’t ego.

Eric was a Managing Director—smart, driven, and deeply human.
Someone who wanted connection.

But despite all that… he couldn’t feel it.

Here’s what he didn’t realize:

He judged every partner before he gave them a chance.
Not because they were flawed—
But because he judged himself the same way.

That’s the hidden problem at this level:

The more pressure you put on yourself to be exceptional,
The harder it becomes to tolerate humanity in others.

You become addicted to high performance.
Even in love.
Even in friendship.

And slowly, your standards become impossible to meet—
Because they’re not actually standards.

They’re judgment in disguise.

The Shift

This isn’t about being “picky.”
It’s about control.

You’re not avoiding relationships because no one is good enough.
You’re avoiding the emotional risk of being truly seen.

You tell yourself: “I want someone exceptional.”

But what you actually want is: “Someone who won’t disappoint me.”

You’ve trained your brain to measure everything— so when connection feels messy or unclear,
you default to analysis over vulnerability.

You judge yourself on outcomes.
So you judge others the same way.

But here’s the truth:

Connection doesn’t live in perfection.
It lives in presence, in curiosity, in intention.

Dr. Gabor Maté said it best:
“We all long for unconditional love—but we often demand it with conditions.”

Unconditional love can’t exist in a judgmental environment.

And if you're honest?
You don’t just judge others.
You judge yourself every single day.

That’s the real block.

The Playbook

How to rebuild connection without lowering your standards.

1. Track Your Intolerance
Start noticing when you mentally shut down during interactions.

Ask:
✔ What’s the exact moment I checked out?
✔ What did I assume about them?
✔ What expectation did they just "fail" to meet?

→ This isn't about tolerating mediocrity.
It’s about recognizing when you're filtering connection through fear.

2. Judge by Intention, Not Just Execution

People will get it wrong. So will you.
The goal isn’t perfection—it’s alignment.

Ask: 
✔ Were they trying?
✔ Did they show up with care, honesty, presence?

→ You’ve made mistakes too. The question is: Did you mean well?
Start giving others the same grace.

3. Redefine What “Enough” Means

You’ll never connect if your subconscious keeps saying:
"Not smart enough. Not driven enough. Not impressive enough."

Ask yourself:
✔ What actually matters to me in a relationship?
✔ Where am I chasing validation instead of values?

→ You don’t need someone who mirrors your success.
You need someone who mirrors your values, your truth, your peace.

The Cost of Staying Comfortable

If you don’t drop the judgment:

📌 You’ll keep dating people who feel “almost right.”
📌 You’ll keep micromanaging your partner’s every move.
📌 You’ll keep feeling alone, even when you’re not.

And you’ll call it “standards”—
but really, it’s fear of being hurt.

Next week, your partner will forget something.
Your friend will cancel.
Someone you love will disappoint you.

When it happens, don’t withdraw.
Don’t critique.

Take a breath.
Ask what’s really going on.
Lead with compassion, not control.

That’s how real connection begins.

Whenever you're ready to build real success—with real connection—here are 3 ways I can help:

1. Work with me 1:1 – I've helped 200+ top leaders stop chasing and start building a life that actually feels like theirs. Apply here.

 

2. Get your Mindset Factor Index™ assessment – Want quick clarity on what’s holding you back? This 10-minute diagnostic will show you exactly where to shift. Start here.

 

3. Take The 3 Life Habits Course – Learn the three powerful habits that will help you reconnect with yourself, find clarity, and start building a life that aligns with what truly matters to you. Join here.